the purpose of my hips

i've spent many years wondering why God bestowed upon me - a 6'2" lanky white boy with only a tinge of rythym - such remarkable hips. i couldn't have cut it as a member of the high school dance team. i don't have the build per se of a hula or a belly dancer. and i'm not sure i'd bring in too many dollar bills with my hips at the local male strip club (though i can't say i haven't given consideration to stripping for hire...think tetherball poles, people).

yesterday, i finally figured out the reason, the purpose of my hips:

SALSA!

every thuhrseday night for 6$ at the cherry street bar and grill in denver, a.j. and yolanda - international salsa dance champions extraordinaaire - teach me, kayla, and about 20 other wanna be's the basic afro-cuban salsa steps and shakes. never before (and yes, i've taken dance lessons before...jitterbug from nana in her living room, swing from the little rock bop club at the wyca, etc.) have i been encouraged to shake my moneymaker the way i like to (it just feels natural!), to occasionally separate from my partner and do some pectoral jiggles, to clap, snap, jump, slide, bump, grind, dip, lean, and generally be as sexy as i know i can be...until now. look out, people...this could get dangerous.

(oh, and on top of it all, the cherry street bar looks like it came straight out of Miami Vice. makes me feel like wearing a white suit, a v-neck shirt that reveals my mighty chest hair, and tinted sunglasses...like smoking a smooth cigar and drinking a martini.)
i'm so crazy/sexy/cool it hurts me.

Make that 2 jobs (and more $un$hine)

Things are continuing to hop in the mile-high city. I got another job this past weekend at LoLa. I'm an expo for this fancy restaurant serving up coastal Mexican cuisine (i.e. seafood with a Mexican flavor...$2 happy hour fish tacos!), which means I convinced them that I'm not only organized and efficient, but also not clumsy and very outspoken. Hmm...we'll see how it turns out. So far, so good.

The other night, the chef at LoLa promptly gave me the nickname Andy. For those of you who don't keep up with pop culture, this is in reference to Andy Dick (below), the actor/comedian popular for cameos in various sitcoms and awards shows and his briefly popular MTV show, The Assistant.
A word of advice to all young men ages 18-30: don't be tall and skinny with fluffy/curly blonde hair and glasses. It can only mean bad things. You see, for the longest tme I kept my hair nice and short: 6 guard on the top, 4 guard on the sides. In those days, I recieved comparisons to movie stars Matthew McConaghey and the young Paul Newman. A few years back I decided to let my hair go a little bit. Who knew that it would be blonde and curly? Who knew that I would be publicly recognized as Andy Dick? Who knew that it could get worse than Andy Dick...that the sick minds driving American pop culture would perpetuate - exacerbate - the humiliation of we tall, skinny fluffy/curly blonde guys with glasses?

I've got a job! I've got a roommate! I've got sunshine!

News from the weekend, people. News.
Saturday I got a call back from the owner of Snooze, a hip new breakfast/lunch place in Denver that just happens to be down the street from my apartment. This was a phone call that informed me that starting tomorrow at 8 am, I will have an income...[gasp...oh, the horror]. Yes, after 3 months of volunteering a the Ranch, 2 weeks in Jonesboro watching the World Cup, and 2 weeks in Denver living off savings (aka bumming off Kayla), I now have what they promise you when you graduate college: money. Well, actually they never promised me that I'd make money as a graduate of the Geography department, and now I understand why.
Also this weekend I got a roommate, Mr. Nicolas James Whitescarver of Valley Springs, AR 90210. He arrived in his usual pomp and circumstance - w/ Mom, Dad, two trucks w/ tarps taped (6 rolls) down, and rain. Lots of rain. We must've been quite a sight at 11 pm on a Saturday in downtown Denver, moving box springs, mattresses, dressers, and boxes up and down flights of stairs in the rain.
So here's to Denver - a place a guy could really get used to, what with a good friend, a girlfriend, and a job and all.

Fourth Fun Festivities

Greely, CO: Home of the largest cattle feedlots in the country, where the smell of "money" assaults you from miles away on a windy day (i.e. everyday in Greeley). Also home to the Greeley Stampede, a two-week celebration of independence, freedom, and everything else that could be associated with the land-of-the-free-home-of-the-brave-red-white-and-blue-GO-USA! This includes funnel cakes, ferris wheels, fried Oreos, dippin dots (ice cream of the future circa 1991), belt buckles, carnies, and portable thrill rides. Oh, and country music concerts.

A word of advice to all the ladies out there checking up on this blog: if ever you want to make a man happy on the 4th of July, surprise him with the news that you bought 2 tickets to see Big and Rich on their Comin' to Your City Tour 2006 in Greeley, CO. Honestly, could anything be better than watching two fake country boys in glitter pants and top hats command a crowd to "save a horse, ride a cowboy"? Kayla took a chance that no, nothing could be better, and man was she ever right. We craned our necks with the best of them to get a glimpse of the self-proclaimed Country Stevie Wonder playing a flying V guitar and his washed-up bar-hoppin-buddy-made-famous Mr. Big, who displayed his personal slogan "Love Everybody" on no fewer than 3 articles of clothing, including his cut-off skull and crossbones t-shirt and his black top hat (worn especially for the encore). These guys had it all: fireworks timed to explode with particualr pomp and circumstance on certain bass beats, t-shirt launchers, American flags galore, songs about the military, songs about love trains (in which they pumped their arms up and down like conductors...or me in the 7th grade at my Jr. High dance to "Come on ride the train and ride it!"), songs about good ol' boys and the girls taht they drive crazy...oh, and two more things:
1. Two Foot Fred. This little big man was the driving force behind on-stage fanfare of "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy." Pictured here at the 2005 CMT Music Awards, apparently he's making quite a name for himself as "the little person who comes on stage at Big and Rich shows during that one song and shouts 'America ROCKS!'".

2. Cowboy Troy. A particular treat to the Greeley ladies, this 6'5" African American wowed the crowd on 3 songs with his original style of country rap (that's right...why didn't you think of that first?). He also shook his moneymaker, raised the roof, and pulled that conductor chain on a song about a train (no, not the firs one. another one.).

Needless to say, there was not a better time yesterday. Add to the concert my impressive performance against a formidable crew of 3rd graders in the water gun pops the balloon game in which I won my lady a priceless, pink Strawberry Shortcake pillow and you have a recipe for one fine Fourth.