Fourth Fun Festivities

Greely, CO: Home of the largest cattle feedlots in the country, where the smell of "money" assaults you from miles away on a windy day (i.e. everyday in Greeley). Also home to the Greeley Stampede, a two-week celebration of independence, freedom, and everything else that could be associated with the land-of-the-free-home-of-the-brave-red-white-and-blue-GO-USA! This includes funnel cakes, ferris wheels, fried Oreos, dippin dots (ice cream of the future circa 1991), belt buckles, carnies, and portable thrill rides. Oh, and country music concerts.

A word of advice to all the ladies out there checking up on this blog: if ever you want to make a man happy on the 4th of July, surprise him with the news that you bought 2 tickets to see Big and Rich on their Comin' to Your City Tour 2006 in Greeley, CO. Honestly, could anything be better than watching two fake country boys in glitter pants and top hats command a crowd to "save a horse, ride a cowboy"? Kayla took a chance that no, nothing could be better, and man was she ever right. We craned our necks with the best of them to get a glimpse of the self-proclaimed Country Stevie Wonder playing a flying V guitar and his washed-up bar-hoppin-buddy-made-famous Mr. Big, who displayed his personal slogan "Love Everybody" on no fewer than 3 articles of clothing, including his cut-off skull and crossbones t-shirt and his black top hat (worn especially for the encore). These guys had it all: fireworks timed to explode with particualr pomp and circumstance on certain bass beats, t-shirt launchers, American flags galore, songs about the military, songs about love trains (in which they pumped their arms up and down like conductors...or me in the 7th grade at my Jr. High dance to "Come on ride the train and ride it!"), songs about good ol' boys and the girls taht they drive crazy...oh, and two more things:
1. Two Foot Fred. This little big man was the driving force behind on-stage fanfare of "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy." Pictured here at the 2005 CMT Music Awards, apparently he's making quite a name for himself as "the little person who comes on stage at Big and Rich shows during that one song and shouts 'America ROCKS!'".

2. Cowboy Troy. A particular treat to the Greeley ladies, this 6'5" African American wowed the crowd on 3 songs with his original style of country rap (that's right...why didn't you think of that first?). He also shook his moneymaker, raised the roof, and pulled that conductor chain on a song about a train (no, not the firs one. another one.).

Needless to say, there was not a better time yesterday. Add to the concert my impressive performance against a formidable crew of 3rd graders in the water gun pops the balloon game in which I won my lady a priceless, pink Strawberry Shortcake pillow and you have a recipe for one fine Fourth.